[That's not what he had been expecting either, but is it really such a surprise? It seems like the only time they were ever in true understanding of one another was back in the days before the humans had attacked their village, and no matter what they try to do on either end to reconcile those differences, misunderstanding remains. He can't - he still can't communicate with his most precious person efficiently. His inability to put his thoughts and feelings into words has hurt her before, and he's only continuing to do that. It's unbearable.
She can grip his arm as tightly as she wants and he won't be pulling away, but he will work diligently and gently on prying her fingers from her hair. Once he manages that successfully, he's quick to hold it in his own. She's free to grasp that as tightly as she wants, too; he couldn't care less about his own physical state. How could he when Chizuru is hurting so badly?]
No! No, no, no, that isn't it! You didn't fail me, I failed you! [And he needs her to see that, even though she's suffering so badly right now. He has to make her understand that she isn't at fault here. The desperation reflects in his tone and face; even though he had been calming down, this riles him right back up.]
You're worth so much to me... Chizuru, you're worth everything! I would give up anything to make you happy—! Anything! [And without the taint of those heavy emotions he had carried in his first life - his true life? - he can say those words and mean them wholeheartedly, without any sort of dark sentiment seeping in through the cracks.
...At least not the same darkness, because this is going downhill too rapidly for him to salvage and his feelings of love have interleaved with despair.]
But I didn't— I didn't want this, I didn't... I didn't really want you to be like me! I never wanted you to hurt like this—! I never wanted you to suffer like I had, but I— [His voice seizes in his throat briefly, a fresh wave of unpleasant memories and long-buried emotions resurfacing.] I couldn't stop myself... Back then, I would have burnt the world down to drag you to my side. [And there's a small part of him even now that still clings to that bitter, twisted notion of "love" and "equality". He can detect its presence now, small and tempered but festering.]
...This existence has only brought you harm when it should have been keeping you safe.
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She can grip his arm as tightly as she wants and he won't be pulling away, but he will work diligently and gently on prying her fingers from her hair. Once he manages that successfully, he's quick to hold it in his own. She's free to grasp that as tightly as she wants, too; he couldn't care less about his own physical state. How could he when Chizuru is hurting so badly?]
No! No, no, no, that isn't it! You didn't fail me, I failed you! [And he needs her to see that, even though she's suffering so badly right now. He has to make her understand that she isn't at fault here. The desperation reflects in his tone and face; even though he had been calming down, this riles him right back up.]
You're worth so much to me... Chizuru, you're worth everything! I would give up anything to make you happy—! Anything! [And without the taint of those heavy emotions he had carried in his first life - his true life? - he can say those words and mean them wholeheartedly, without any sort of dark sentiment seeping in through the cracks.
...At least not the same darkness, because this is going downhill too rapidly for him to salvage and his feelings of love have interleaved with despair.]
But I didn't— I didn't want this, I didn't... I didn't really want you to be like me! I never wanted you to hurt like this—! I never wanted you to suffer like I had, but I— [His voice seizes in his throat briefly, a fresh wave of unpleasant memories and long-buried emotions resurfacing.] I couldn't stop myself... Back then, I would have burnt the world down to drag you to my side. [And there's a small part of him even now that still clings to that bitter, twisted notion of "love" and "equality". He can detect its presence now, small and tempered but festering.]
...This existence has only brought you harm when it should have been keeping you safe.