[She can't see that, though. She can't see it, because it's something that, by now, is so far beyond her understanding that she's not sure she'll ever be able to see it again. Since their separation, Kaoru had only been able to act civilly with her when he was playing a role; Chizuru remembers that all too well... the role of demure young woman on the streets of Kyoto, the role of polite young man in that horrible castle. But when he had been himself, he had hated her, he had taken the man she had come to love and ruined him for the sake of making her suffer—
Maybe Yukimura Chizuru would have been able to understand it, that he did love her and it had just ended up twisted and broken by all the resentment, but Nagumo Chizuru, who had lived through years of the Nagumo clan's mistreatment and become convinced that she was worthless (a good thing, a good thing, because she doesn't want to live up to their expectations, but it means she can't live up to anyone else's expectations either), simply cannot believe that she's worth everything or that Kaoru would give up anything.
If that was possible, this wouldn't have been necessary. She wouldn't have had to have gone to such lengths to save him, because they could have met in the middle if he really loved her, if she was really worth anything at all—
She clutches his hand tightly instead of his hair and sobs.]
All those things... that I wanted to hear...
[Is it too late? She's not sure. She wants to be convinced, she deeply wants to be convinced, but she can't wrap her mind around it -
And she's utterly distracted from trying when he speaks of his own existence.]
No! [It comes out in a snarl.] Don't say that— Don't talk about yourself that way, don't do it—
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Maybe Yukimura Chizuru would have been able to understand it, that he did love her and it had just ended up twisted and broken by all the resentment, but Nagumo Chizuru, who had lived through years of the Nagumo clan's mistreatment and become convinced that she was worthless (a good thing, a good thing, because she doesn't want to live up to their expectations, but it means she can't live up to anyone else's expectations either), simply cannot believe that she's worth everything or that Kaoru would give up anything.
If that was possible, this wouldn't have been necessary. She wouldn't have had to have gone to such lengths to save him, because they could have met in the middle if he really loved her, if she was really worth anything at all—
She clutches his hand tightly instead of his hair and sobs.]
All those things... that I wanted to hear...
[Is it too late? She's not sure. She wants to be convinced, she deeply wants to be convinced, but she can't wrap her mind around it -
And she's utterly distracted from trying when he speaks of his own existence.]
No! [It comes out in a snarl.] Don't say that— Don't talk about yourself that way, don't do it—