[The only thing he regrets about letting her grab his arm and hand so tightly is the fact that he can't freely move either for the time being, and all the wants to do is smooth her hair down, rest a hand at the top of her head, tell her that everything will be okay - and they will be okay - and that she can stop crying, that she has no need for these tears.
There's a dim feeling growing within him, though; the self-worth that he's built up over these years that should have never belonged to him feels a little less sturdy now, though it doesn't dissipate entirely. But to know that he is the root cause of all of this - that Chizuru had given up her entire life for his sake, and he can't even appreciate it well because he sees how clearly he's ruined her... How can he possibly think a person like that holds anything good? Just by living, just by virtue of being such a selfish person, he had destroyed someone else's life with his own two hands.
So he leans forward, shaking his head, because it's true. What he's said is true. Maybe Kaoru Yukimura has clean hands, but that person grew from the existence "Kaoru Nagumo", whose hands are bloodier than anyone else he knows.]
I should have said something— I should have been able to see... [But he couldn't at that point. It had taken - a lot, hadn't it? He had died. He had been chosen to be saved. It had taken a lot to get through to him, and those sort of circumstances simply weren't present in his life. His memories seem to extend far beyond the time they should now, bleeding in from a future he's yet to experience, but something that he knows must be true.
He leans forward further, squeezing her hand gently and resting his cheek against the side of her head.]
You were the only bright thing in my life. Please believe me... I still love you so, so much.
no subject
There's a dim feeling growing within him, though; the self-worth that he's built up over these years that should have never belonged to him feels a little less sturdy now, though it doesn't dissipate entirely. But to know that he is the root cause of all of this - that Chizuru had given up her entire life for his sake, and he can't even appreciate it well because he sees how clearly he's ruined her... How can he possibly think a person like that holds anything good? Just by living, just by virtue of being such a selfish person, he had destroyed someone else's life with his own two hands.
So he leans forward, shaking his head, because it's true. What he's said is true. Maybe Kaoru Yukimura has clean hands, but that person grew from the existence "Kaoru Nagumo", whose hands are bloodier than anyone else he knows.]
I should have said something— I should have been able to see... [But he couldn't at that point. It had taken - a lot, hadn't it? He had died. He had been chosen to be saved. It had taken a lot to get through to him, and those sort of circumstances simply weren't present in his life. His memories seem to extend far beyond the time they should now, bleeding in from a future he's yet to experience, but something that he knows must be true.
He leans forward further, squeezing her hand gently and resting his cheek against the side of her head.]
You were the only bright thing in my life. Please believe me... I still love you so, so much.