[The thing is, Kaoru had known at the time that it was sad to only have one bright spot, but it had been in a distant and twisted sort of way, much like everything else. He recognized the unfairness in it, but he wasn't able to process it properly, fueling his choice to leap immediately to finger-pointing and laying the blame, trying to alleviate his misery in the only way that he knew.
Being able to see a little more clearly now, he also realizes where he went wrong there. He had taken that one spot of brightness in his life and had become envious over it, guarding it jealously but hating it at the same time. How dare it be bright when the rest of his life had passed by in darkness? How dare Chizuru find it in herself to keep shining?
...It had been a mistake. So much of what he had done had been a mistake, and he doesn't even know where to begin if he wants to fix it all.
He'll let her pull her hand away, but he doesn't let her go. Instead, he folds her up in both of his arms, trying to calm his breathing and listen to what she says. It stings - he doesn't think he deserves this new brightness. Not him, a person who had taken some of Chizuru's brightness away.]
...There are— [But hadn't there been before? Back in that place, he was slowly learning how to see the good in other things, too. His head tilts forward and he makes a soft, upset-sounding noise when he feels the hand in his hair.]
...But I never meant to take yours away. I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry. I just want to share a life full of good things with you. [This is the sort of equality he had been looking for back then, but he doesn't want it anymore.] I— How... How did this even happen?
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Being able to see a little more clearly now, he also realizes where he went wrong there. He had taken that one spot of brightness in his life and had become envious over it, guarding it jealously but hating it at the same time. How dare it be bright when the rest of his life had passed by in darkness? How dare Chizuru find it in herself to keep shining?
...It had been a mistake. So much of what he had done had been a mistake, and he doesn't even know where to begin if he wants to fix it all.
He'll let her pull her hand away, but he doesn't let her go. Instead, he folds her up in both of his arms, trying to calm his breathing and listen to what she says. It stings - he doesn't think he deserves this new brightness. Not him, a person who had taken some of Chizuru's brightness away.]
...There are— [But hadn't there been before? Back in that place, he was slowly learning how to see the good in other things, too. His head tilts forward and he makes a soft, upset-sounding noise when he feels the hand in his hair.]
...But I never meant to take yours away. I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry. I just want to share a life full of good things with you. [This is the sort of equality he had been looking for back then, but he doesn't want it anymore.] I— How... How did this even happen?