[Chizuru wants Kaoru to be happy, and Kaoru wants to share a happy life with Chizuru. It seems they're both doomed to not get what they want.
Because what sort of "life full of good things" and she possibly share with him, at this point? The Nagumo clan still lingers on the horizon. She is painfully, horribly aware of the fact that she will have to return to them, if she doesn't want to lead them straight to her brother. Or if not that - she'll still have to leave Kaoru, because she doesn't want any of those demons anywhere near him. Not after what they did to him the first time around, not after what they've done to her in the years that she has lived with them.
So sharing a life with him... she's said that she doesn't want to leave him and that she doesn't want him to leave her, but she's going to have to go. Staying together isn't just difficult - it's outright impossible, and that is why her shoulders sag as he folds her into his arms. She rests herself against him, suddenly exhausted, keeping one hand in his hair and one hand tightly around him.]
I want that too. [Her voice breaks, because she knows she won't ever have it.] I do— I do, I do... [He still has a chance. She's ruined part of his life by allowing him to remember, but he isn't so far gone now that he's irredeemable. He can meet people to fill the void in his heart where she would be - he can find his Shinsengumi, or the equivalent thereof. He can find someone as important to him as Okita was to her and be happy, and Chizuru will try so, so hard not to be jealous, or at least not to lash out at him in her jealousy.
She wants him to have the sort of life she might have lived at Okita's side, if not for Kaoru and the ochimizu and the producers. She wants him to grow old beside her— No, with someone else, someone who will raise him up and make him smile and laugh (he's her brother how dare he laugh for anyone else).
He needs to be happy. He can't be happy like this, but she doesn't want to let him go. As for how it got this broken, this twisted - ]
...it's... my fault. They made me remember— [Not a sister after all, but a brother, right there alongside her in the castle. Her brother.] They... showed me. In the fireplace, I saw— I saw what your life had been like— I wanted to change it. I didn't care what happened to me, I still don't care, I wanted to change it... And without even consulting you, I—
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Because what sort of "life full of good things" and she possibly share with him, at this point? The Nagumo clan still lingers on the horizon. She is painfully, horribly aware of the fact that she will have to return to them, if she doesn't want to lead them straight to her brother. Or if not that - she'll still have to leave Kaoru, because she doesn't want any of those demons anywhere near him. Not after what they did to him the first time around, not after what they've done to her in the years that she has lived with them.
So sharing a life with him... she's said that she doesn't want to leave him and that she doesn't want him to leave her, but she's going to have to go. Staying together isn't just difficult - it's outright impossible, and that is why her shoulders sag as he folds her into his arms. She rests herself against him, suddenly exhausted, keeping one hand in his hair and one hand tightly around him.]
I want that too. [Her voice breaks, because she knows she won't ever have it.] I do— I do, I do... [He still has a chance. She's ruined part of his life by allowing him to remember, but he isn't so far gone now that he's irredeemable. He can meet people to fill the void in his heart where she would be - he can find his Shinsengumi, or the equivalent thereof. He can find someone as important to him as Okita was to her and be happy, and Chizuru will try so, so hard not to be jealous, or at least not to lash out at him in her jealousy.
She wants him to have the sort of life she might have lived at Okita's side, if not for Kaoru and the ochimizu and the producers. She wants him to grow old beside her— No, with someone else, someone who will raise him up and make him smile and laugh (he's her brother how dare he laugh for anyone else).
He needs to be happy. He can't be happy like this, but she doesn't want to let him go. As for how it got this broken, this twisted - ]
...it's... my fault. They made me remember— [Not a sister after all, but a brother, right there alongside her in the castle. Her brother.] They... showed me. In the fireplace, I saw— I saw what your life had been like— I wanted to change it. I didn't care what happened to me, I still don't care, I wanted to change it... And without even consulting you, I—
[Fell straight into the producers' trap.]