[She wants to protect him, to lie to him, as much as she wants to be honest with him and stand by his side and face down those demons. If the entire Nagumo clan is killed, then it's alright, isn't it? Kaoru will be safe.
—but she remembers the crushing guilt she felt when she lived this sort of life and people did awful things in her name. She remembers the sheer panic in the castle when they'd had glimpses of the future that could (would) have been, and then the crippling anxiety that just her very existence drove people to make others suffer. She wasn't prepared to deal with such feelings when she had lived the life Kaoru has had so far.
She wants to protect him from everything that might hurt him. She can't tell him.
...and yet, "the beaches are too hot" isn't enough of an excuse. If he comes to decide that he can handle the heat, if he comes to Tosa anyway...]
No, it's not... that. [She sounds hesitant, but sincere; she'll have to tell some measure of the truth here.] It's just that... you and I look so much alike. For someone who looks so much like me to be in a city where my husband's family has as much influence as they do - it isn't safe.
[Well, it's not a lie.]
Especially after I'll have no doubt angered them by coming all the way out here without telling them... and especially if they found out you were the one who is helping me with my request. I don't know how much Yukimura-sensei has told you about the Nagumo family, but they're... very unkind people. I'd prefer it if you stayed as far away from them as you could.
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—but she remembers the crushing guilt she felt when she lived this sort of life and people did awful things in her name. She remembers the sheer panic in the castle when they'd had glimpses of the future that could (would) have been, and then the crippling anxiety that just her very existence drove people to make others suffer. She wasn't prepared to deal with such feelings when she had lived the life Kaoru has had so far.
She wants to protect him from everything that might hurt him. She can't tell him.
...and yet, "the beaches are too hot" isn't enough of an excuse. If he comes to decide that he can handle the heat, if he comes to Tosa anyway...]
No, it's not... that. [She sounds hesitant, but sincere; she'll have to tell some measure of the truth here.] It's just that... you and I look so much alike. For someone who looks so much like me to be in a city where my husband's family has as much influence as they do - it isn't safe.
[Well, it's not a lie.]
Especially after I'll have no doubt angered them by coming all the way out here without telling them... and especially if they found out you were the one who is helping me with my request. I don't know how much Yukimura-sensei has told you about the Nagumo family, but they're... very unkind people. I'd prefer it if you stayed as far away from them as you could.