chizuru "would you jerks stop leaving me" yukimura (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
derepressed) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
recountal2014-06-09 08:26 pm
derepressed) wrote in recountal2014-06-09 08:26 pm
reunion;;
Yukimura Residence.
Edo, Japan, January 1864.
Edo, Japan, January 1864.
[The years have stretched on and on, agonizingly slowly. Part of it is because Chizuru lacks the child-like lack of perspective that makes time fly by so quickly in the earliest years; mostly, it's because the Nagumo are so very cruel. Time flies when one is having fun, but among that clan...
This is the first opportunity she's had in years to even consider a visit to Edo, and though she might pay for it later, she doesn't care. There's something she has to do here, and so here she is, dressed in the finery one would expect of the wife of the young master of the Nagumo. Perhaps it's strange, to see such a finely-dressed young lady in front of the humble Yukimura clinic.
She doesn't care. She just doesn't care.
She is stopped, outside the house, because it's both familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. The house looks mostly the same, but the subtle differences, are they there because it's not her that's living there? All the touches of a young woman are gone. Chizuru has never lived here, but Kaoru has, and -
The differences are Kaoru's touch. That eases the knot of tension in her gut the slightest bit and gives her the courage to move forward, to call into the house as though she's a patient and this is a perfectly normal visit.]
Excuse me? I was wondering if perhaps I might speak with Yukimura-sensei...
[He won't be here. She's sure he won't, sure she's remembered the timing because her memories are all that's gotten her through the years at the hands of those horrible people, but that's okay. He isn't the one she is here to see.
She's depending on the fact that it will be Kaoru who will answer her call.]
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[The tension is starting to drain out of her, but almost everything else is, too. Her hand falls away from her hair, coming to rest limply at her side, and her shoulders sag. It almost seems as if she lacks the energy to hold herself up.
She's tired. She's so tired. All those years with the Nagumo - how much of that is what would have happened if she had been the one to be taken for real, and how much of that is the Producers trying to make her suffer simply because they can? All of that, and for this... meeting her brother face-to-face in this world has just made him suffer, now.
...maybe that's what they were going for. Punishing Kaoru for daring to stand up to the game - they had used her to hurt him before. So of course they would make what happened to her in this life be as painful as possible for him. And of course they would have made it so that he would remember everything if they ever met...
She doesn't want to be their tool anymore.]
It might be worth it... if it could keep them from making us into pawns. [And then there's a sudden vehemence in her voice, though her expression is still mostly drained.] I'd rather die than be their toy ever again—! I don't want... I don't want to do what they expect, what they want...
[She wants to spite them, just as she wanted to spite the Nagumo clan.]
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He reaches forward again, a little hesitant this time after her reaction the last time. Eventually, his fingertips will come to rest against her fallen hand, gentle and attempting to be reassuring even though nothing in this situation can really reassure.]
I'm— ["Sorry", he wants to say, but he doesn't want to apologize either. Or rather - he does, but he doesn't want to open up the conversation that will surely follow.] ...It won't be worth it. I don't— I don't want to lose you again. I've already been gone from you for so long...
[Even before this, back in that horrible world, it had been three years since he had last been able to see his sister's face in person. An entire lifetime of lies just deepens the gap, and he won't have it.]
We'll find a way to bring them down, but not at a risk to you.
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[The vehemence is gone from her voice, now, replaced with exhaustion. She is too worn down to pull her hand away from Kaoru's, but maybe she wouldn't do so anyway - her fingers twitch and her hand shifts as if to take his, but she doesn't have the energy to do that, either.]
Do we— Do we just do as we were before...? Continuing to live out our lives like this, biding our time...
[If they're being monitored in this world - because of course they are, but maybe they're not being monitored too closely because they've been like this for years and years now, maybe they're no longer a priority - do they have to go back to what they were doing before this visit? Kaoru living out his days in Edo, helping Kodo with the ochimizu, and Chizuru back in Tosa—]
I don't want to go back to that horrible clan, but if I don't they'll know something's changed—
["They" being the producers.]
And I don't, I don't want you involved with the ochimizu here...! What was the old man thinking? How could he involve you with that...?! You were supposed to be safer!
[...yeeeeah, whoops, she forgot she'd been trying to keep her snooping a secret.]
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I don't want you to go back, either. If I ask, would you please stay with me...? We can make it seem like a more natural transition. Living in that sort of environment, it would make sense for you to want to escape, right?
[It's a somewhat slapshod attempt at keeping things together, but he'd take the risk if it meant keeping Chizuru safe.
Before he can say anything else, though, she's carrying onward and what she says is enough to leave him briefly surprised. The note that he had left in the plant is long forgotten now.]
How did you know about that—?
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She doesn't want that. She doesn't want that. Staying with him is something she wants so incredibly badly, but - not at the risk of hurting him...
Before she can do much more than shake her head a little uselessly, though, he's picked up on her slipup and there is a moment where her expression is blankly confused. Why wouldn't he know that she - oh, right... because she'd done it in secret, looking through the kitchen even after his attempts at cleaning up.
Chizuru closes her eyes and sighs lightly.]
You weren't... very subtle about keeping me from seeing whatever was in the kitchen. Knowing what I know about the old man's involvement with the ochimizu, how could I not be suspicious? [And after the castle, how could she not snoop around?]
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Moreover, flopping so hard just further drives in what a different person he had become at the whim of that group of people he hates so much.]
...It's not that surprising, if you think about it. [His head cants to the side a little.] With your gentle personality, he wouldn't have wanted to risk dragging you into this mess. Maybe because he really did care for you... [Or maybe just because even with his more subdued personality, he still wouldn't have been as much of a liability as the Chizuru of those days would have.
He doesn't want to suggest something like that, though, even if he thinks it may have something to do with Kodo's decision regardless of whether or not the first part is true.]
It isn't work that I'm heavily involved in, at least. Or— I was more involved in it before.
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(Of course the Producers never showed her the future where he saved her from death at Kaoru's hands.)
Knowing how badly he had wanted it, she can't help but think the only reason she was never involved was because he thought she would get in the way.]
...he probably just thought that I would make a mess of things. [She smiles, and it's only a little bit bitter.] And it's true. As soon as I found out about the ochimizu the first time... well, I don't think he wanted me to try and keep people from going mad.
[No man would want the girl he raised as a daughter to let strange men drink her blood, but THERE YOU GO...]
Is there - is there any way you can become entirely uninvolved with it now? That sort of a concoction... it's not safe. It does so many terrible things to the people who drink it, and the human politicians who know of it... if they come to believe they can rely on you to do their bidding, they'll never leave you alone. I don't want that for you.
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At that statement, his expression drops into something a little more flat and difficult to read. He hadn't really minded his involvement in the ochimizu beforehand because information about it had been delivered to him in a subtly manipulative way. He's the only one who can do it, he'll be helping people in the long run, no one else will have to dirty their hands - likely all similar reasons that would have convinced Chizuru, if she had been asked in the first place and hadn't seen the foul effects of ochimizu first-hand. Now, though...]
If they try something like that, then their luck might become poor enough for them to have an accident.
[A sign that he really is coming back to himself; the Kaoru that had been a result of the Producer's meddling and Chizuru's desire to give him a better life wouldn't consider such a thing, but he says it like it's second nature.]
I don't have any personal use for that anymore, anyway, so there's no reason for me to continue helping.
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...if they do have an accident, I'll help.
[She has absolutely no qualms about that, at least; the Nagumo clan has stayed alive so far because she hasn't wanted to draw any attention to the single Yukimura twin they've obtained and cause anyone to wonder what happened to the other - that could cause demonic attention to fall on Kaoru, and that wasn't something she wanted for him, either. That's the only reason she has stayed her hand in regards to that clan. But she has no problems killing for his sake, and if a group of politicians is going to die, then she will absolutely involve herself to make sure that there isn't anything leading back to Kaoru.]
But I'm glad that you won't be involved with that anymore. I'm so glad... [The part of her that used to be Chizuru Yukimura allows But what if I helped him with it instead, and got to meet the Shinsengumi again? to flit across the back of her mind, but she pushes that thought away. This isn't about her being happy; it's about keeping Kaoru safe.]
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But his brow furrows at that, because this Kaoru can't condone Chizuru bloodying her hands for his sake. He's had enough time to work through some things, even if he hasn't had the additional development that he was allowed during the course of the game as it should have run, and he no longer wishes for this sort of "evenness".
Too little too late, essentially.]
You won't have to worry about that anymore. [A fleeting smile. He can't muster much more than that just yet, out of practice with deceit as he is.]
...I'm sorry, though. Without even realizing it, I've caused you so much concern.
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You're my brother, so of course I'd be concerned about you... you don't have to apologize for that.
[She brings up a hand so that her fingertips can brush against his cheek in a fleeting, affectionate gesture, but then she's seized by a sudden fear that his apology and the furrowing of his brows means he disapproves, that he remembers the sort of person he once was and has equated that with her now. If he doesn't want anything to do with his old self, how can he want anything to do with her?]
I really, really love you... you believe me, right? You believe that I could never, ever lie about that?
[She'll lie about pretty much anything else, but... not that. Never that.]