chizuru "would you jerks stop leaving me" yukimura (
derepressed) wrote in
recountal2014-06-09 08:26 pm
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reunion;;
Yukimura Residence.
Edo, Japan, January 1864.
Edo, Japan, January 1864.
[The years have stretched on and on, agonizingly slowly. Part of it is because Chizuru lacks the child-like lack of perspective that makes time fly by so quickly in the earliest years; mostly, it's because the Nagumo are so very cruel. Time flies when one is having fun, but among that clan...
This is the first opportunity she's had in years to even consider a visit to Edo, and though she might pay for it later, she doesn't care. There's something she has to do here, and so here she is, dressed in the finery one would expect of the wife of the young master of the Nagumo. Perhaps it's strange, to see such a finely-dressed young lady in front of the humble Yukimura clinic.
She doesn't care. She just doesn't care.
She is stopped, outside the house, because it's both familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. The house looks mostly the same, but the subtle differences, are they there because it's not her that's living there? All the touches of a young woman are gone. Chizuru has never lived here, but Kaoru has, and -
The differences are Kaoru's touch. That eases the knot of tension in her gut the slightest bit and gives her the courage to move forward, to call into the house as though she's a patient and this is a perfectly normal visit.]
Excuse me? I was wondering if perhaps I might speak with Yukimura-sensei...
[He won't be here. She's sure he won't, sure she's remembered the timing because her memories are all that's gotten her through the years at the hands of those horrible people, but that's okay. He isn't the one she is here to see.
She's depending on the fact that it will be Kaoru who will answer her call.]
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[She smiles back, though the tension never really eases from her shoulders and she can't help the worry churning in her stomach. She'll have to be much more careful in the rest of her time here with him; she doesn't want this visit to be marred by anything unpleasant, and...
A small, selfish part of her wants Kaoru to be able to remember her fondly once she returns to the Nagumo clan. She wants him to have only happy memories of their time together, so that in the future - if she's ever able to break free of those people - he'll welcome her back with open arms.
It's definitely a selfish desire, but it's what she wants.
Together, side by side, they return to the house and head into the kitchen. Once they arrive, she'll immediately set her bags down and start sorting through them to get enough for the meal.] How hungry are you? I'm a little hungrier than I thought I would be...
[They'll just have to make a lot of food to make up for the earlier awkwardness, she supposes.]
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I'm a little hungrier, too. Let's make extras.
[he sounds VERY DETERMINED about this! and he will immediately get to work with taking out his ingredients, too. he steps over to get the dishes and utensils that will be necessary - cutting board, knife, small dishes to heat in the fire. his expression becomes a little nostalgic as he works.]
... You know, when I was little, I used to eat this all the time. Father said that I'd ask for it as a snack at least once a week for a while. I had friends that I used to eat it with a long time ago, I think... I don't remember it well, but one of them used to pick out the quail eggs because their size disturbed her. That's stuck in my mind to this day since it was so ridiculous.
[and he does sound softly amused recounting the tale, silly as it is...
but one thing may stand out to Chizuru here; despite the fact that he most certainly first had odamaki-mushi in their village, that memory is not one she'll be able to recall from the youth that she had spent together with this Kaoru. the child he's speaking about is one of the village kids that they used to spend time with, but in this life, that event had never occurred. perhaps she'll find it strangely familiar, anyway...?]
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Ah..? Did she think they were too big or too small?
[She sounds politely interested and the slightest bit amused - no more or less than anyone else would when hearing such a story. But inwardly, she is panicking.
What does this mean? How can Kaoru remember something that's never happened? She knows it hasn't happened in this life, because she has always been aware and able to remember since the producers put her back here. A child with a grown woman's consciousness - it was what was necessary to make the change she needed to make in order to save him, since there wasn't any feasible way of keeping the humans from coming in the first place. And that would only have been a stopgap measure, anyway; they'd have come again, and Kaoru would be in danger again, but this option had led to his safety and happiness.
- Or so she had thought, anyway. If there is even the smallest bit of before lingering in him anywhere, if the producers have failed somehow in keeping him from remembering all the suffering he'd endured at the Nagumo's hands anyway, if it's all bottled up in him somewhere, what is she going to do?
She can't protect him from his own mind.]
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[the answer comes immediately and it, too, will likely be toeing that same unpleasantly familiar line.]
Though to be honest, I can't blame her for thinking something like that. If a person is only used to chicken eggs or duck eggs, a tiny quail egg would probably be a really bizarre thing to eat. [this is followed by a quiet laugh as Kaoru sets the pan down on the counter, pouring water into it to set the smaller pots in.
it seems that one stray memory is the only oddity currently present, and he sets it aside easily enough. he's thumbing through the vegetables and placing them in the sink to rinse off, apparently more focused on that than on the little girl and her aversion to quail eggs.]
Hm... We really did get a lot, didn't we? How big do you want the portions to be?
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[She's willing enough to set the discussion of that memory aside - the less they dwell on it, the less he'll remember. She just needed a way of letting it phase out of the conversation naturally, since changing the subject suddenly might have made him wonder about it and think on it.
Working out how much odamaki-mushi to make seems like a safer topic.]
Um... I could eat an entire large bowl, I think. [She's hungry and it's a comfort food!] If you could too... that much for each of us, then?
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Two large bowls, then. I'm definitely hungry enough to eat that much. [he hadn't even realized he was so hungry, but maybe walking to and from the market had been enough to push him over.]
Ah— Do you mind cracking the eggs? I'll boil the ones for garnishes. [the teeny tiny garnish quail eggs, that is.]
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[He can deal with the weird ittybitty egs; she'll just crack the normal-sized ones. It's simple enough to do and Chizuru falls into the motions with the practiced ease of someone who is used to losing herself in a task in order to block out the world around her.
Not that she really wants to block Kaoru out, but she's still a little ill at ease from the earlier conversation and she's retreating back into her shell, so to speak. She needs to calm herself down and get a better grip on her feelings because if she lashes out in the same way she did at just the mention of Kaoru possibly going to Tosa, she's going to hurt him. And she doesn't want that...
When she finishes with the eggs, she moves on to start preparing the udon noodles, quick and efficient. Soon they'll be eating this..! Soon...]
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I think we should probably double the cooking time for these ones, but that still isn't very long. [the smile he offers is warm again, like the ones that he had been wearing before Tosa had been mentioned.]
If you want to dish out the noodles, I can handle the eggs. What kind of vegetables do you want in yours?
[he's already diced them all, complete with cutting the carrot quarters into cute little flower shapes.]
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Doubling the cooking time would be a good idea...
[And that's still a short amount of time, so it's alright! She looks down at the vegetables he has diced and... doesn't find even one that she doesn't feel like eating. Good veggie choices, friend...!]
I'd like all of them. —Oh, the carrots are very cute!
[She sort of wants extra carrots...]
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All right. [in regard to both. he might feel a little surge of pride at having picked all good vegetables...! even if all he did was pick the ones that he likes the most. it just happened to be an obviously good strategy in this particular case.
either way, he starts to dish things out, filling the ramekins and making sure that the vegetables are evenly divided. while he's settling the quail eggs on top, though, he decides to be a psychic and ask:]
Would you like extra carrots?
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[She doesn't mind him being able to tell what she's thinking in this case, at least. It means she gets cute little flower-shaped carrots, and that is perfectly fine with her.]
Um - is there anything you want extra of...? [If he wants extra noodles she can certainly arrange for that but HE HAS ALL THE VEGGIES AND THE QUAIL EGGS... so...] Oh! I should prepare some tea while I have the chance to...
[She's just gonna. Do that. Yeah...]
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I'm fine with this, thank you. Ah - and thank you for making the tea, too.
[since that kind of slipped his mind WHOOPS... but he'll get to arranging the dishes in the tray and then set the tray over the fire to heat them up. while setting that up, he calls back over his shoulder.]
Let me know if you need help with anything, all right? I'd rather you feel like a guest here. [rather than like, hired help or something. CHIZURU.]
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[It's fine, she doesn't mind at all. Making tea is sort of her thing! She made the tea that the fate of the Shinsengumi rested on...
...which on second thought is not so good curse you for damning them with your tea, Chizuru. And this is why you're not being played from Hijikata's route anymore.]
And, ah - I'm fine... really. I don't feel like a guest, but... [She looks down, perhaps a little bashfully, and puts one hand over her heart.] ...this place feels like home... like what a real home is supposed to feel like. So everyday things like making tea, or cooking, or going to the market with someone I feel safe with... I really enjoy it.
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...something in it is a little melancholy too, though. "what a real home is supposed to feel like"... he wonders briefly if she ever had one to call her own, before being married into the Nagumo clan. again, he wishes he could do something about it, though luckily his thoughts aren't swept away in a fervent and sudden desire to wipe them off the map. this time, there's just a vague heaviness in his chest.]
Well... I don't know how feasible it would be for you, but you could consider this place a home, then. [look he's being Chizuru, offering way too much to someone he barely met!!] If you ever feel frightened or lonely, you can come back here.
[and then he stands, dusting his knees off, and glancing over in Chizuru's direction as she flexes her tea making skills.]
Even if you can't take the offer, I hope that you'll at least keep it in mind.
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She listens quietly, and although part of her worries that he's offering far too much to a stranger - hadn't she been chided for that so many times in the past? What if he makes such an offer to someone malicious? - it does warm her heart to hear that, and when he glances over at her she meets his gaze with a soft smile.]
...I'll remember that. Knowing that a place like this exists, and that you would accept me if I returned... it will give me strength. Thank you, Kaoru.
[She can't, of course, come back here; the Nagumo clan would surely find a way to make Kaoru pay for it, if she ran to him. But just remembering that he considered it an option will help her to keep going.]
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You don't need to thank me. It's the least that I can do.
[and it isn't very much at all in the end, but he'll still keep up his hopes.
his smile becomes a little warmer after that, and he gestures toward the seating area that they had eaten dinner at the night before.]
When the tea is done, will you wait with me?
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Of course I will.
[And she smiles back. Soon enough the tea is done, and Chizuru will head on over there with the pot and two cups, which she'll lay out and pour so that they can both drink. She slides one cup to Kaoru before picking up her own and bringing it to her lips to blow on it lightly.]
...mm. Enjoying a cup of tea along with a friend is one of life's greatest pleasures. Don't you think?
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It's been a while since I've been able to share tea with anyone, so I'm grateful for the opportunity.
[and for the company in general, because Kaoru does get lonely somewhat easily, even if he can push through it if the situation calls for it. he craves being around others, so the isolation that comes with watching the clinic all by himself can get under his skin sometimes.
finally, he brings the cup to his mouth and blows the steam away, taking a sip.]
—Thank you for brewing this, by the way.
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[Once she's satisfied that her tea is cool enough to drink, she takes a sip as well. The liquid warms her - and she can appreciate that. The person at her side, the house they're both in, neither one of those things makes her feel the chill of dread that hangs over her while she's at the Nagumo estate. Tea there isn't comforting, it isn't warming, it's just something to drink.
Tea here, with Kaoru, is something very good.]
But you really don't need to thank me... you've done so much for me already. It's the least that I can do.
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[it's partly humble, and partly self-deprecating, though the latter is much more difficult to pick up on. he hasn't even started working on her order, after all, and she's been stuck doing household chores. even if she says she doesn't mind it, he still can't help but feel guilty.
and then there's the overarching problem of her home life, which he really has no business intruding on, but he's just so thoroughly bothered by it that he can't help but take it as a personal failure, being unable to do anything to help. he lapses into silence for a few seconds after that, thoughts temporarily consumed again by those horrible people and the corner they've driven a kind girl into.]
...Um— [no, he can't let himself fall back into that strange mental place again. he shakes his head once, trying to clear it.] Well, whatever I can do to help, I'm glad for it.
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[Perhaps it's a little odd for her to say it after they've known each other for so short a time, but they've already skipped right on past using honorifics and have practically moved in together. There are a lot of things they've done already that, to an outsider looking in, would seem very strange.
But Chizuru can't help it. Seeing evidence of Kaoru's peaceful life - even if he has become involved with the ochimizu somehow... it brings her peace of mind.]
I think that's what will help most of all.
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It's nice of you to think that. It would be nice if it really did help, too.
[there's a gently teasing lilt to his tone, like he doesn't actually believe that it will help much, but he still finds the verbal gesture endearing. he glances back down at the tea within his cup.]
...You're a very kind person, aren't you?
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[She presses her lips together into a thin line and her grip on her teacup tightens just the slightest bit. Kind - maybe in the past, yes, but so little of her kindness is genuine now. Kaoru is really the only one she's been able to manage even the slightest bit of sincerity for; the rest of it is fabricated.
But she can't say that to him, can she? ...she doesn't want him to think badly of her. She can't lie to him either, though.]
A kind person... would probably be able to forgive my husband and his family, instead of seeking out a medicine that will keep them from attaining everything they ever wanted from me. The sort of spite that fueled my coming here... that isn't kind at all.
...I just don't want to let them win.
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a kind person has been taught to believe that they aren't kind by a group of people that show true unkindness. he pulls his lower lip in with his teeth briefly, one finger gently running around the rim of his tea cup.]
...It doesn't seem to me like a lack of forgiveness in this case means that you aren't kind. Not wanting to give people like that what they want... That doesn't seem like anything unkind, either. It's only natural, isn't it? Not wanting to forgive those who force you into a corner? Not wanting to cave to cruel demands? Looking for a way out? [the more he talks, the softer his voice becomes, but it's a strange sort of softness - hollow and increasingly brittle.] So to say "that isn't kind", and to think that you come here out of spite... It isn't a good way of looking at things, is it? Because you aren't the one at fault here. Don't you think that you should be looking at them rather than at yourself in this situation? You're only doing what you can do, right? They were the ones who created the action that has brought about this reaction. It isn't kindness or unkindness; it's just what follows naturally. This is what they get.
[while he had been looking at his tea, his gaze rises at that, and his eyes lock onto Chizuru's with a bizarre intensity.]
And I think that those sort of people deserve what they get. Don't you?
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Ah, I think that they might be done now. I'll go check.
[pushing himself up from the table, he stands and starts to mosey off.]
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