recountal | reunion;;

reunion;;

Yukimura Residence.
Edo, Japan, January 1864.

[The years have stretched on and on, agonizingly slowly. Part of it is because Chizuru lacks the child-like lack of perspective that makes time fly by so quickly in the earliest years; mostly, it's because the Nagumo are so very cruel. Time flies when one is having fun, but among that clan...

This is the first opportunity she's had in years to even consider a visit to Edo, and though she might pay for it later, she doesn't care. There's something she has to do here, and so here she is, dressed in the finery one would expect of the wife of the young master of the Nagumo. Perhaps it's strange, to see such a finely-dressed young lady in front of the humble Yukimura clinic.

She doesn't care. She just doesn't care.

She is stopped, outside the house, because it's both familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. The house looks mostly the same, but the subtle differences, are they there because it's not her that's living there? All the touches of a young woman are gone. Chizuru has never lived here, but Kaoru has, and -

The differences are Kaoru's touch. That eases the knot of tension in her gut the slightest bit and gives her the courage to move forward, to call into the house as though she's a patient and this is a perfectly normal visit.]

Excuse me? I was wondering if perhaps I might speak with Yukimura-sensei...

[He won't be here. She's sure he won't, sure she's remembered the timing because her memories are all that's gotten her through the years at the hands of those horrible people, but that's okay. He isn't the one she is here to see.

She's depending on the fact that it will be Kaoru who will answer her call.]

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[She notices it. She notices it, and that makes her panic - because what sort of thing could he have experienced in this life that would cause that sort of reaction to a mere touch? But then, it hadn't seemed to bother him before. Just now, when what she's already said has brought that painfully familiar anger and discontent to the surface.

Was it always in him? Or is this something else - some residual trick of the producers'..? She remembers her time in the castle, but this is a different timeline. She went back, she changed things. She remembers what she does because she has to, to change them, but she's absolutely certain Kaoru doesn't remember them.

They had enough time before the humans came to spend together. They were so close. Surely he would have mentioned something if he did remember any of it, even if it came to him as a half-remembered dream...

It's just because she's stressed him out. She has to believe that.]

Thank you...

[As long as he stays away from Tosa, as long as nothing else causes him to be under this sort of pressure again, he'll be just fine. At the end of the week, she'll have to go back, and hopefully he'll stay here in Edo where it's safe -

But she can't even trick herself into fully believing that, because there's the matter of the ochimizu as well. The ochimizu, which he seems to be involved with even though she never was. Curse Kodo for involving him - curse him. She'd treasured her memories of the man who raised her for years, but she can't help but feel bitter that he's involved Kaoru in something that can only end in tragedy.

His question gives her pause, though, and she looks down, uncertain how to answer. She can only bear it because doing so is what guarantees he's not the one in that situation. She walked right into it, she chose it...]

...it's what I was born for. [Duty. When it comes down to it, it's duty. Even if it wasn't to protect her brother, she would have entered into a similar arrangement with some clan or another. Not the Nagumo, most likely, which means she would have been treated better, but... staying close to home and never having to deal with in-laws was never an option for a female demon.] From the very beginning, this is the sort of fate that someone like me cannot escape. [A female from a rare demonic bloodline...] And it's better than the alternative.

I don't like the way they treat me, but even so... if I'm there, at least I'll be able to do what I can to keep them from mistreating other people.

[She was always going to go back at the end of this week, although she dearly wants to stay. This temporary reprieve is just that - temporary.]

Edited (wording...) 2014-09-01 17:14 (UTC)

[it seems temporary, at least, that brief withdrawal. he relaxes soon enough, though his shoulders remain tense. hearing her continue to talk doesn't really do anything for his temper, though, which has always been quick and foul even in this version of his life. he has better control over it now and it keeps him from wanting to lash out (though not at Chizuru, absolutely not at Chizuru), but something about this has become quite an exercise in patience.

but all the thanks in the world and all the fine control over temper can't do much to actually get rid of that anger. his grip tightens a little on the bags in his arms.]

You shouldn't feel like it's all right for you to be reduced to something like that. Saying "I was born for it" doesn't make it any better, any more "all right"... [...maybe his temper management isn't quite as fine as he believed. he can feel it slipping as he speaks.] And you shouldn't need to make yourself into a huge shield, or to view that as an upside to this sort of situation. Why should you be the one to take that kind of responsibility onto yourself? It's their fault for mistreating you! They should be made to answer to their crimes! Mistreatment can't just be left unpaid, they—

[they should die.

...the thought comes to him so suddenly, so swiftly, so naturally, that it leaves him feeling very, very frightened. it had come and gone like a terrible, uncontrollable, intrusive thing, but it's enough to rattle him into silence. his face pales - and then he readjusts his grip on his bags and starts to walk again.]

—I'm sorry. I was speaking out of line.

[but he won't apologize for feeling what had made him speak out.]

[There really isn't a whole lot she can say to tat, because they're all things she's longed to hear for the entirety of this lifetime. It isn't fair, you shouldn't have to, it's their fault - things she's told herself over and over, when they tell her that she deserves the way she is treated.

But she tells herself that it's better her than Kaoru, because she, at least, has her memories of her first lifetime, of a loving family and wonderful friends... and, in the end, of a brother who did want what was best for her, even if he had a strange way of showing it. Kaoru didn't have any of those things.

...if she has her way, she'll do what she can to make sure he has them in this life.

She follows after him, holding tightly to her bags, but after a moment or two she speaks up - because she can't leave his apology unanswered.]

You don't need to apologize for that. I should be the one to apologize to you - because, even though I know you're right, I can't...

[Can't reassure him that she won't just stand there and take that sort of mistreatment. Can't guarantee she'll do anything other than spitefully take any steps she can to refuse them what they want from her.]

...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything in the first place... I reacted badly, and it led to this. This was - supposed to be a good day...

And I'm also sorry for upsetting you...

[he doesn't stop walking, but his pace slows enough so that he can turn a little to look at her while she talks. he's still holding the bags close to his chest, almost like a shield.]

No— It's my own fault, so please don't apologize for that. [it's not any of his business and he's really made things worse for her by dredging up what's likely a painful topic. what right does he have to get upset like that? if anyone should be upset, it's Chizuru for having to tolerate that kind of abuse. even if he doesn't understand it, the last thing he ever wanted was to allow a sudden spike of temper to bring the mood down so far.

he'll try, then, to offer up a reassuring smile instead. unlike his earlier smiles, this one seems to come to him only after a little trouble.]

It's still a good day, so please excuse my reaction. [...huh. that had come out a little more stilted than he had expected - almost too polite. he's quick to amend himself.] That is - I was the one who reacted badly, so... I hope that you'll still want to eat breakfast with me after that.

[mostly, though, he wants something to distract him from the lingering sour sentiments that this clan has dredged up.]

I do still want to eat breakfast with you.

[She sounds earnest, at least; spending time with Kaoru is one of the few things that she genuinely wants. She can feign enthusiasm and support where she needs to, but there is nothing feigned about this.]

...I was a little worried you wouldn't want to eat breakfast with me, though... after all of this.

[She's still a little unsure how it got so bad so quickly. He'd merely mentioned seeing Tosa, and she'd flown off the handle. That's an aspect of her temper she needs to get under better control; she hadn't realized how incredibly volatile she would be just thinking about him going to that place.

She'd thought she was prepared for this visit.]

But as long as you still want to... I still want to, too.

[she'll find her earnestness echoed in him, at least. he doesn't see an ounce of blame in her over what's just happened here and hadn't even considered that she might be worried about something like that.]

Of course I still want to. I've been looking forward to it... [and just because he managed to mess things up by being so verbally clumsy, that hasn't changed one bit. eating his dinner with Chizuru the other night had somehow been the most "at home" that he's felt in a long, long time and he wouldn't trade breakfast with her for the world.]

...So let's go, all right?

[the smile that follows seems a little easier to muster up, at least, and then he's shifting his bags and gesturing ahead. the house is nearby and it doesn't take much longer to get inside, though he'll wait to walk alongside Chizuru rather than hurrying ahead to the kitchen on his own.]

Mm.

[She smiles back, though the tension never really eases from her shoulders and she can't help the worry churning in her stomach. She'll have to be much more careful in the rest of her time here with him; she doesn't want this visit to be marred by anything unpleasant, and...

A small, selfish part of her wants Kaoru to be able to remember her fondly once she returns to the Nagumo clan. She wants him to have only happy memories of their time together, so that in the future - if she's ever able to break free of those people - he'll welcome her back with open arms.

It's definitely a selfish desire, but it's what she wants.

Together, side by side, they return to the house and head into the kitchen. Once they arrive, she'll immediately set her bags down and start sorting through them to get enough for the meal.] How hungry are you? I'm a little hungrier than I thought I would be...

[They'll just have to make a lot of food to make up for the earlier awkwardness, she supposes.]

[to his credit, he's doing his best to move past any bumps that might have formed because of that episode. he doesn't want to ruin something so nice because he's made a mistake, so he'll try to pave it over and make amends.]

I'm a little hungrier, too. Let's make extras.

[he sounds VERY DETERMINED about this! and he will immediately get to work with taking out his ingredients, too. he steps over to get the dishes and utensils that will be necessary - cutting board, knife, small dishes to heat in the fire. his expression becomes a little nostalgic as he works.]

... You know, when I was little, I used to eat this all the time. Father said that I'd ask for it as a snack at least once a week for a while. I had friends that I used to eat it with a long time ago, I think... I don't remember it well, but one of them used to pick out the quail eggs because their size disturbed her. That's stuck in my mind to this day since it was so ridiculous.

[and he does sound softly amused recounting the tale, silly as it is...

but one thing may stand out to Chizuru here; despite the fact that he most certainly first had odamaki-mushi in their village, that memory is not one she'll be able to recall from the youth that she had spent together with this Kaoru. the child he's speaking about is one of the village kids that they used to spend time with, but in this life, that event had never occurred. perhaps she'll find it strangely familiar, anyway...?]

[It's familiar in a way that it shouldn't - can't - be. Or at least, it shouldn't be possible for Kaoru to be able to stand here, speaking of something that, in this lifetime, has never occurred. It makes Chizuru pause for just the slightest moment as she's helping to prepare the ingredients for cooking, and for an instant there's panic in her eyes, but she bites it down and bottles it up because she can't afford to lose control now, not when doing so already had ended so badly on the walk here.]

Ah..? Did she think they were too big or too small?

[She sounds politely interested and the slightest bit amused - no more or less than anyone else would when hearing such a story. But inwardly, she is panicking.

What does this mean? How can Kaoru remember something that's never happened? She knows it hasn't happened in this life, because she has always been aware and able to remember since the producers put her back here. A child with a grown woman's consciousness - it was what was necessary to make the change she needed to make in order to save him, since there wasn't any feasible way of keeping the humans from coming in the first place. And that would only have been a stopgap measure, anyway; they'd have come again, and Kaoru would be in danger again, but this option had led to his safety and happiness.

- Or so she had thought, anyway. If there is even the smallest bit of before lingering in him anywhere, if the producers have failed somehow in keeping him from remembering all the suffering he'd endured at the Nagumo's hands anyway, if it's all bottled up in him somewhere, what is she going to do?

She can't protect him from his own mind.]

Too small.

[the answer comes immediately and it, too, will likely be toeing that same unpleasantly familiar line.]

Though to be honest, I can't blame her for thinking something like that. If a person is only used to chicken eggs or duck eggs, a tiny quail egg would probably be a really bizarre thing to eat. [this is followed by a quiet laugh as Kaoru sets the pan down on the counter, pouring water into it to set the smaller pots in.

it seems that one stray memory is the only oddity currently present, and he sets it aside easily enough. he's thumbing through the vegetables and placing them in the sink to rinse off, apparently more focused on that than on the little girl and her aversion to quail eggs.]

Hm... We really did get a lot, didn't we? How big do you want the portions to be?

We did...

[She's willing enough to set the discussion of that memory aside - the less they dwell on it, the less he'll remember. She just needed a way of letting it phase out of the conversation naturally, since changing the subject suddenly might have made him wonder about it and think on it.

Working out how much odamaki-mushi to make seems like a safer topic.]

Um... I could eat an entire large bowl, I think. [She's hungry and it's a comfort food!] If you could too... that much for each of us, then?

[a decisive nod! good job, Chizuru, going with the conversational flow. Kaoru already seems to have put the story behind him, drying off the washed vegetables and setting them on the cutting board to dice.]

Two large bowls, then. I'm definitely hungry enough to eat that much. [he hadn't even realized he was so hungry, but maybe walking to and from the market had been enough to push him over.]

Ah— Do you mind cracking the eggs? I'll boil the ones for garnishes. [the teeny tiny garnish quail eggs, that is.]

I don't mind at all.

[He can deal with the weird ittybitty egs; she'll just crack the normal-sized ones. It's simple enough to do and Chizuru falls into the motions with the practiced ease of someone who is used to losing herself in a task in order to block out the world around her.

Not that she really wants to block Kaoru out, but she's still a little ill at ease from the earlier conversation and she's retreating back into her shell, so to speak. She needs to calm herself down and get a better grip on her feelings because if she lashes out in the same way she did at just the mention of Kaoru possibly going to Tosa, she's going to hurt him. And she doesn't want that...

When she finishes with the eggs, she moves on to start preparing the udon noodles, quick and efficient. Soon they'll be eating this..! Soon...]

[at least he doesn't seem to be the sort of person who engages in much small talk while working. he boils the ittybitty eggs quietly and quickly, setting them off to the side to add on top once the rest of the ingredients have been poured. once the udon is prepared, though, he'll speak up again.]

I think we should probably double the cooking time for these ones, but that still isn't very long. [the smile he offers is warm again, like the ones that he had been wearing before Tosa had been mentioned.]

If you want to dish out the noodles, I can handle the eggs. What kind of vegetables do you want in yours?

[he's already diced them all, complete with cutting the carrot quarters into cute little flower shapes.]

[Kaoru's voice pulls her out of her thoughts, and when she turns to look at him and offer him a smile in return, her smile is also warm - though there is still some measure of distance in her eyes. The smile, at least, looks genuine.]

Doubling the cooking time would be a good idea...

[And that's still a short amount of time, so it's alright! She looks down at the vegetables he has diced and... doesn't find even one that she doesn't feel like eating. Good veggie choices, friend...!]

I'd like all of them. —Oh, the carrots are very cute!

[She sort of wants extra carrots...]

[if he notices that distance - and he'd have to have very keen eyes for it, since he only glances up briefly after his attention returns to the little dishes - he doesn't say anything.]

All right. [in regard to both. he might feel a little surge of pride at having picked all good vegetables...! even if all he did was pick the ones that he likes the most. it just happened to be an obviously good strategy in this particular case.

either way, he starts to dish things out, filling the ramekins and making sure that the vegetables are evenly divided. while he's settling the quail eggs on top, though, he decides to be a psychic and ask:]

Would you like extra carrots?

Yes, please!

[She doesn't mind him being able to tell what she's thinking in this case, at least. It means she gets cute little flower-shaped carrots, and that is perfectly fine with her.]

Um - is there anything you want extra of...? [If he wants extra noodles she can certainly arrange for that but HE HAS ALL THE VEGGIES AND THE QUAIL EGGS... so...] Oh! I should prepare some tea while I have the chance to...

[She's just gonna. Do that. Yeah...]

[KAORU, HOARDER OF THE INGREDIENTS. he artfully arranges the carrots in her bowl so that they're in a little circle around the quail eggs. it's like a garden...]

I'm fine with this, thank you. Ah - and thank you for making the tea, too.

[since that kind of slipped his mind WHOOPS... but he'll get to arranging the dishes in the tray and then set the tray over the fire to heat them up. while setting that up, he calls back over his shoulder.]

Let me know if you need help with anything, all right? I'd rather you feel like a guest here. [rather than like, hired help or something. CHIZURU.]

You're welcome!

[It's fine, she doesn't mind at all. Making tea is sort of her thing! She made the tea that the fate of the Shinsengumi rested on...

...which on second thought is not so good curse you for damning them with your tea, Chizuru. And this is why you're not being played from Hijikata's route anymore.]

And, ah - I'm fine... really. I don't feel like a guest, but... [She looks down, perhaps a little bashfully, and puts one hand over her heart.] ...this place feels like home... like what a real home is supposed to feel like. So everyday things like making tea, or cooking, or going to the market with someone I feel safe with... I really enjoy it.

[there's a part of him that does feel a rush of joy to hear that - perhaps a little disproportionately large, he thinks. he has no idea what Chizuru has done to endear herself to him so quickly, but somehow she has, and being told that his home is like her own brings a smile to his face.

...something in it is a little melancholy too, though. "what a real home is supposed to feel like"... he wonders briefly if she ever had one to call her own, before being married into the Nagumo clan. again, he wishes he could do something about it, though luckily his thoughts aren't swept away in a fervent and sudden desire to wipe them off the map. this time, there's just a vague heaviness in his chest.]

Well... I don't know how feasible it would be for you, but you could consider this place a home, then. [look he's being Chizuru, offering way too much to someone he barely met!!] If you ever feel frightened or lonely, you can come back here.

[and then he stands, dusting his knees off, and glancing over in Chizuru's direction as she flexes her tea making skills.]

Even if you can't take the offer, I hope that you'll at least keep it in mind.

[A vague heaviness is better than murderous intent, since heaviness won't put him in danger, but it pains Chizuru to see even the slightest bit of melancholy in his smile when she looks up. She starts to say something (she's not sure what - something to reassure him, whatever it might take to do that), but he's speaking before she gets the chance to.

She listens quietly, and although part of her worries that he's offering far too much to a stranger - hadn't she been chided for that so many times in the past? What if he makes such an offer to someone malicious? - it does warm her heart to hear that, and when he glances over at her she meets his gaze with a soft smile.]

...I'll remember that. Knowing that a place like this exists, and that you would accept me if I returned... it will give me strength. Thank you, Kaoru.

[She can't, of course, come back here; the Nagumo clan would surely find a way to make Kaoru pay for it, if she ran to him. But just remembering that he considered it an option will help her to keep going.]

[he hopes, even if he doesn't think this will be the case, that she will come back if she ever feels too unsafe in her current home. but just judging by what he's heard from her so far, he thinks that might not be a very strong possibility, as much as he'd like it to be. the smile he offers her is a little thin, but he does seem genuinely grateful for the fact that she's even considering it, or at least keeping it in mind.]

You don't need to thank me. It's the least that I can do.

[and it isn't very much at all in the end, but he'll still keep up his hopes.

his smile becomes a little warmer after that, and he gestures toward the seating area that they had eaten dinner at the night before.]

When the tea is done, will you wait with me?

[She's content to let the subject drop, because while it means so much to her that he's willing to go to such lengths for her - to be willing to let her just move in - she'd rather see that warm smile of his than see the slightly melancholic one that accompanies speaking of their living arrangements. She nods and looks over to that seating area.]

Of course I will.

[And she smiles back. Soon enough the tea is done, and Chizuru will head on over there with the pot and two cups, which she'll lay out and pour so that they can both drink. She slides one cup to Kaoru before picking up her own and bringing it to her lips to blow on it lightly.]

...mm. Enjoying a cup of tea along with a friend is one of life's greatest pleasures. Don't you think?

[that gets a hum of agreement from him, though he hasn't taken a sip of his yet. he simply holds the cup between his hands, letting the heat warm them through.]

It's been a while since I've been able to share tea with anyone, so I'm grateful for the opportunity.

[and for the company in general, because Kaoru does get lonely somewhat easily, even if he can push through it if the situation calls for it. he craves being around others, so the isolation that comes with watching the clinic all by himself can get under his skin sometimes.

finally, he brings the cup to his mouth and blows the steam away, taking a sip.]

—Thank you for brewing this, by the way.

Edited 2014-09-14 09:27 (UTC)

You're welcome.

[Once she's satisfied that her tea is cool enough to drink, she takes a sip as well. The liquid warms her - and she can appreciate that. The person at her side, the house they're both in, neither one of those things makes her feel the chill of dread that hangs over her while she's at the Nagumo estate. Tea there isn't comforting, it isn't warming, it's just something to drink.

Tea here, with Kaoru, is something very good.]

But you really don't need to thank me... you've done so much for me already. It's the least that I can do.

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